The Time Travellers (or 12 Ways to Destroy the Universe)
by Badgers and Fun
Summary: Lorcan and Lysander just wanted to play videogames and to be fair, the worst thing wasn't that the only playsation in the castle was in Scorpius Malfoy's room. There's an evil wizard coming this way and Lorcan from the Past has arrived to annoy the hell out of everyone. Will the Scamanders finish their game. Will they have the courage to face their past and build together a future?
1. Chapter 1: A Brand New Hogwarts

**Disclaimer alert: the characters and universe belong to J.K. Rowling and I don't make any money out of this story. Just having fun!**

Surrounded by beds and green sheets, the two boys are settled in Scorpius' sofa and absolutely immersed in such an exciting football match in Scorpius' Playstation. In this way remain Lorcan and Lysander when the door opens violently.

"WTF IS GOING ON!" Lorcan of the Past shouts desperately. He is a twelve years old blond boy who's now looking at Lorcan with a horrified expression "WHAT HAPPENED TO HOGWARTS?!

Lorcan and Lysander are not really listening, still focused on the game.

"AND WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING IN SLYTHERIN'S COMMON ROOM?!" Lorcan of the Past keeps shouting "Last thing I remember I was sorted in Ravenclaw!"

"Okay, let me explain "Lorcan says without moving from his sit "After the Sorting Ceremony, we heard some sort of explosion… actually it was a dark wizard who had infiltrated into the castle. The aurors were really mad about it, McGonnagall almost got expelled, it was a complete mess, anyway: to the point: time froze. For two years. Now we are here.

"Here… where?! I don't recall any of that!" says Lorcan from the Past

"'Cause you were frozen! The aurors were never able to fix all this mess, that is why they had to create a copy of hogwarts in some other dimension. Now for whatever reason you are not frozen anymore and you were teleported here!"

Lorcan from the Past is even more confused now. He asks the guys for more explanations, but Lysander looks at him as if he was saying "dude, you're starting to be a pain in the ass" and he says:

"Dude, are you gonna play FIFA or what?"

Hours later, the three guys are in the sofa playing FIFA. But Lorcan from the Past keeps protesting.

"This is outrageous! You're telling me that my world from the past is gone and frozen and now I have to live with you guys in 2019?"

"Yeah.." they both nod without listening, since they're focused on the game.

"Then you're both in third year now, I assume?"

Lorcan and Lysander glance at each other for a second, slightly embarrassed. Lorcan of the Past feels something has just blown up inside of him. He addresses Lorcan desperately.

"What the hell happened to you?! You are my future me! Look at me! Talk to me! All you do is sit looking at the screen!"

But the two brothers keep looking at the screen. Looking and looking. Eternally.

"FUCK THIS SHIT" Lorcan says "2019 SUCKS!"

The following day, a fourth person enters the room...


	2. Chapter 2: In Fraganti

The day after that, when Scorpius goes into his room, he finds Lysander, Lorcan and Lorcan from the Past settleted in his sofa and playing videogames.

"What the fuck have you done to my room?!" he yells angrily "it fucking stinks!"

The three boys are now very frightened.

"Um… hi, Scor..." Lysander says, red as a beetroot "We haven't seen you in a while…"

"You guys been cooking hot dogs in here?! It's as if you lived in my room!"

"Well, actually, we do live in your room" Lysander says, stating the obvious, but Lorcan hits him like shut up now.

"And who the fuck is this?!" says Scorpius who has just realised Lorcan from the Past is in the room too.

"I'm Lorcan from the Past" says Lorcan from the Past, who is very convinced of his own name. Scorpius is looking at him as if he had just said 'I'm a flying elephant', so Lorcan from the Past explains the situation "We don't know what happened. All I know is I'm stuck here in this world of pollution where the ozone Layer..."

"OUT! GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE, YOU FILTHY BUG!" They all start moving now because Scorpius is sending green lights with his wand while he chases Lorcan from the Past "I HAVE ENOUGH WITH ONE LORCAN SCAMANDER!

After Scorpius has calmed down, he looks at Lysander and Lorcan severely.

"What now?" he says.

"Oh, we were going to play videogames" says Lysander, and Lorcan nods

"Wanna join?"

"I mean what are you going to do with the brat!"

"Oh! We sent him to Hogsmede to get us some nuggets" Lysander says

"If we are lucky, he'll be at the shop for a while, you know? Complaining about the prices and stuff" Lorcan says, and he shrugs


	3. Chapter 3: Resurrection

Professor Harris is walking joyfully across the hall today. He's the potions master in the school, and he is singing an old song that sounds like this:

"Dum, didum, didum diduuuuum"

Unfortunately, however, the old man will not be able to reach the song's next verse, because right now a huge, divine beam of light has appeared in front of him and is interrupting his song. Now a blond boy in a brown robe is standing in front of him. The boy is wearing sandals and a crown made flowers on his head. No one speaks for a couple of seconds.

"Duuuuuuuude!" the boy says talking to no one in particular "That was WAY easier than the last time I tried!"

Professor Harris and the boy look at each other

"You know, coming back to life and all that..." the boy explains

They look at each other again.

"Okay, let me introduce myself. I'm Jesuschrist Platinum. Well actually I'm not. Before all this my name was Lysander from the Past, but since I was chosen by the gods and all that and sent on a mission to 2019 to save the world…. Well, they decided to change my name cuz it sounds so much cooler. But you can call me Jesuscrist Platinum. Have you seen Lorcan and Lysander?

Now without further notice, professor Harris runs away from the place and to the dungeon shouting "IT'S WORKING! MY TIME-TURNER IS WORKING AGAIN! EUREKA!

"Oh bother…." Jesuschrist Platinum says "folks in this dimension are extremely excentric..."

* * *

**Important note:** I respect all religions and I hope no one is offended by this lively and charismatic character. In any case it is not my intention at all.


	4. Chapter 4: Round Table

Meanwhile, in Scorpius' room, a meeting is being held.

"Listen to me you damn mudbloods!"

"Hey!"

"You better watch your mouth!"

What Scorpius is saying is a low blow not only beacause it's racist but also because Lorcan and Lysander did have magical parents. It's just that in this dimension their parents died in a strange accident and that is why they were raised by a muggle family.

"Order! Order!" Scorpius demands "Listen to me now: the brat's gotta go. We don't have to take his following us around and his criticism".

"But what are we supposed to do?" says Lorcan sadly

"You know what you're lacking, Scorpius?" says Lysander very serious "Empathy! What would YOU do if your past 'you' appeared through that door, huh? Would you not take him in?"

"Guys!" a voice is heard. Someone just got in the room. It's Jesuscrist Platinum, also known as Lysander from the Past. His expression is that of a boy who got all As in his exams "I'm back! Did you miss me?"

"AHHHHHHHHHHHH!" horrified, Lysander runs away from the room "RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!"

And because in this room everyone just gets in and out whever they like, Lorcan from the Past enters now and kind of freaks out at the sight of his twin from the past.

"Lys? I thought you were dead!"

"Oh no, no way I just ressurrected a couple minutes ago" says the boy "now I'm Jesuscrist Platinum at your service.

"Well now we have TWO problems" Scorpius says. He's wand in hand and ready to chase both of them.

"What a shitty name" Lorcan whispers to Lorcan from the past

"Don't sweat it, guys! I've everything under control: after apocalypse I was sent to the other side so I could be broadcasted to this side again and come to tell you about the dangers that we're facing. Guys... what is happening in Hogwarts is bigger than you can ever imagine. The end of the world is coming. We must act quickly".

What follows is silence. For once in a long time, nobody has anything to say or videogames to play.

"Exactly how can you know all this if you come from the PAST?" says Scorpius who doesn't believe one word.

"Er... duh! Jesuschrist Platinum? divine intervention? what part are you not getting?"

"He read it in a history magazine when he time travelled to the year 3000" says Lysander at the other side of the room. He came in nobody knows when and he's looking at his past "he" with contempt.

Now everyone's looking at Jesuschrist Platinum, who smiles nervously and decides to stop beating around the bush:

"Well, it's time to get Lorcan back to the past! This way everything will go back to normal".

"What about us?" says Scorpius

"One thing at a time, dear Scorpius. Trust me guys, I was trained for over two years to save you from apocalypse. Now, let's get to work".

And gathering all his energy, Jesuschrist Platinum recites an enchantment while the others watch with a WTF are you doing face.

"Amen" he says at the end

The five start breathing again and look around.

"Nothing's happened" Lorcan says

"Well, that was stupid" Lysander says. And he turns the playstation on again.

Jesuschrist Platinum cannot believe it.

"This is not right. Guys... I think I just lost my powers!"


	5. Chapter 5: Tabula Rasa

Since Hogwarts is under threat, professor McGonnagall is improving the school's magical defenses, which means now only two or three dark wizards break in every week. But things at the castle are tense. The stairs change more often than usual, the sky at the Great Hall looks green. All in all, Hogwarts looks more like a haunted house than a safe place.

Some students are starting to get worried and sometimes they go visit Jesuscrhrist Platinum to ask for help.

—Just leave me alone, okay?—he says—My days as Jesuschrist Platinum are over!

He's now living in the second floor with a blanket and a pillow.

—You've never been Jesuschrist Platinum!—Lysander says—You made that all up yourself, you fool!

Needless to say, Lysander is being mocked all the time. The problem is that now Jesuschrist Platinum has taken Lorcan from the Past's obsession with following Lysander, Lorcan and Scorpius everytime they see them. The three boys don't know where to hide anymore.

—Dude, I am SO excited!—says Jesuschrist Platinum walking with Lorcan from the Past through the school's grounds carrying a ten tons' bag full of Hyppogryph which the herbology teacher has asked them to bring as fertilizer for the plants—I can't believe we're doing together our good deed of the week.

—EW!—Lorcan of the Past protests—Haven't you noticed? 2019's shit stinks way more than 2017's! This dimension is disgusting!

Once they're out of sight, Lorcan comes out of the invisible cloak which he has borrowed formt he Potter's in order to hide from their past selves.

—All clear—says Lorcan

—I can't believe we used to be THAT annoying!—Lysander protests coming out of the cloak too. After him, Scorpius gets out.

—How long are we going to have hide from those retards in order to preserve our reputation?!

—But what are we supposed to do?—says Lorcan

—Two words—says professor Harris coming out of the cape too—Run. Now.

—Professor Harris!

—We were just…

—I know what you were doing, you reckless brats! McGonnagall sent me to keep an eye on you a long time ago. If you had informed from the beginning what was happening instead of playing videogames all the time now we wouldn't be at the brink of apocalypse!

—What do you mean?—Scorpius asks, skeptical

—Why do you think Jesuschrist Platinum's lost his powers? Why do you think this castle's turned upside down? Magic is out of control. You have to stop interacting with your past selves or this world will sink into chaos and surrialism

—You mean it will stay the way it is?—says Lysander

Professor Harris looks at them severly.

—Get away from your other selves. Leave the past behind before it is too late.

...

Meanwhile, in a very dark room, a wizard in a black robe is taking a glance at the damages in the castle. The room is full of magical windows that allow him to watch every corner of Hogwarts...

"It has began" he says with a smile "it's only a matter of time..."


	6. Chapter 6: A New Ally

Hi and... Wow, it's been a while. I stopped publishing cuz I felt my English wasn't good enough to translate this story properly, but now that I have some time and I'm bored... Hope you guys are enjoying it! Let me know what you think :)

* * *

The next day, Hufflepuff beats the hell out of Gryffindor at quidditch and Lysander's still singing his songs (along with his brother, who is also happy for the victory) when he enters the castle holding yellow and black flags. They both decide to call it a day, so they head directly to Scorpius' bedroom.

Once they're there, they're still talking about the match.

"So anyway, it was absolutely amazing".

"yeah" Lorcan says "wanna play videogames?

But now both have stopped because they have just noticed the giant black sphere floating in the middle of the room. Lorcan from the Past and Jesuschrist Platinum (who now calls himself Mr. Platinum) are right beside it, looking very happy.

"DA...FUCK?"say Lorcan and Lysander at the same time. Their mouth are wide open, almost reaching the floor

"guys!" says Mr Platinum "you're just in time to try our new interdimensional sphere!

Lorcan and Lysander have not reacted yet.

"Don't you realize?" Lorcan from the Past says "thanks to this wonderful device, we'll be able to go home and solve all our problems!"

"Bu-but… How on earth did you manage to invent that thing?" Lorcan says

"You guys don't even know how to tie your shoes!" adds Lysander

"Thanks to our friend the famous physician… Gilderoy Lockhart!"says Lorcan from the Past very proud, and Gilderoy Lockhart introduces himself.

But Lorcan and Lysander have met him before. In one occasion he used them as lab rats and made them try his time machine. They ended up in Atartica.

But when did Lockhart become a physician? you might be wondering. Well, there's little I can tell you about that. All I know is that studies in magical medicine finally allowed for a cure for his condition. He left San Mungo a couple years ago and now he cons muggles instead of wizards by pretending to be a physician.

"Nobody panic" Lockhart says "this time I'll be more cautious. If we end up in Antartica, we will be prepared. Thanks to the laws of Agnoletti Carbonaro, we will be the first people to conquer the seven kingdoms of time…

That said, Lockhart, Mr Platinum and Lorcan from the past get to work, while Lorcan and Lysander watch.

"Okay"says Lysander "we have less than… twenty minutes till these assholes blow up the entire world".

"Are you playing with Tottenham or Manchester this time?" answers Lorcan

"What the fuck are you doing?" says Scorpius, who has just arrived

"We're playing FIFA" Lorcan says

"Scor, my dear friend" says Mr Platinum "You're just in time… For the moment we've all been waiting for!"

"We're going to be the first wizards to ever travel in time without a time-turner!"says Lorcan, very excited

Scorpius listens patiently, then looks at all of them and takes a deep breath.

"Yeah, the thing is, I'm going to hit the sack now, so…

So the day they've all been waiting for is postponed for the next day.

The next day, these kids make history.


	7. Chapter 7: Feasts and Melodies

**New chapter! Hope you like it! Enjoy! Let me know what you think! :)**

* * *

The next day, everyone is meeting up for the event. Scorpius is only half aware of what's going on because he's only half awake.

"Let the show begin!"says Gilderoy Lockhart, and the interdimensional sphere lightens up. It has turned a green color that makes you blind. For a minute, everyone stays still, absolutely amazed. Then after a while, as if it was a door, a boy enters the room coming out of the floating sphere.

"Scorpius from the past?!"everyone says at the same time.

"Oh dear"says Lockhart "I think I might have got a couple variables wrong"

And that's all, folks. The sphere goes back to normal.

"FUCK!" says Scorpius from the past angrily "What the FUCK are you all doing in my room?! Oh my God, you guys are embarrassing me so much. You're making a FUCKING scene!

And since Lorcan and Lysander always understand things as if they were literal, they get to work and five minutes later, everyone is watching the scene Lorcan and Lysander are making. Lorcan is dressed as a pumpkin and Lysander is dressed as a witch.

"Oh, don't be shy, Ms Pumpkin!"

They're playing a scene from the children's humorous play: The Witch and the Pumpkin, a classic.

"They're actually pretty good"Lockhart says, laughing. Everyone is clapping and laughing at every line.

"Alright guys" Scorpius concludes when the play is over "this was great but, um… I think it's time for you to move somewhere else. Don't you think?"

He looks at Scorpius from the Past, then at Mr Platinum, then at Lockhart and Lorcan from the Past, then finally at Lorcan and Lysander who are still dressed as pumpkin and witch. They're all looking at him intenesely, with a sad expression on their faces.

"Says who?!" Scorpius from the Past yells "you?"

"Well… actually, yeah. Yes. This is MY room"Scorpius is starting to lose it.

"It's also MY room" Scorpius from the past says "So you can either share or just leave".

"They're absolutely identical" Lysander whispers to Lorcan. But they both decide to keep out of it. Specially now that Scorpius looks so angry.

"You're not from this world!"

"That's what you think?" says Scorpius from the Past mysteriously "Or have you completely forgoten about me. Me, who stays by your side in you darkest moments…

"What are you talking about now?"

Scorpius from the Past has taken out a guitar from who knows where and he's starting to play a blues which Scorpius hasn't heard in a long time. It's the guitar that Wolly gave to him when he was little. Wolly is the kind, old elf at Malfoy Manor, who also taught him how to play.

"Your style is rubbish" Scorpius says. He takes out a harmonica and starts playing a different song.

But now something incredible is happening because while they're both playing at the same time their songs have met and it turns out they play so darn well. They play so well that they're playing a hell of a fucking badass blues song (is that even English? Anyway, you get the picture) and everyone is just dancing and clapping and enjoying themselves.

"this was fun"says Scorpius "Let's add some voice, some percussion…"

And they both exit the bedroom and head for the room that is next to Scorpius' room. Have I said "room" enough times?

"Anyways..."Lockhart intervenes "I don't know what went wrong, you guys… I'm going to go over my calculations again. See if I can fix this. You guys try not to destroy the world, okay?"

And he leaves too.

"Boys..." Lorcan says. He is very worried "We have to..."

But he stops talking because nobody's listening. Lorcan Lysander and Mr Platinum are laying on the sofa playing videogames again.

"That's it. I GIVE UP! YOU GUYS DO WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU WANT!"

And he leaves slamming the door shut.

Later on we all will joke about this and atribute this slamming of the door to what's going to happen next, but right now the situation is catastrophic.

See, at this precise moment, the devination tower is starting to fall. From the school's ground, professor McGonagall looks up.

"Oh, Merlin… SYBILL!" she says, knowing that the devination teacher is inside.

* * *

**Now get ready cuz in the next chapter things start to get real messy...**


End file.
